Subject Eye

Stinkfruit Surprise! 

Even though sometimes I can be difficult, my friends wish the best for me. They have lent me their couch, dried my tears and have traversed county lines to attend performances or exhibitions. They are good people and have the best intentions, which I shall admit here are sometimes just not good enough.

One well-intentioned friend (let’s call him John) who has listened to my tales of woe over the years noticed that I was working too hard and had also been single for a long time. He was did a great job of bolstering my ego by telling me true and positive things like, “You are quite good at sewing buttons on coats.” For some reason John decided to play matchmaker: He had a friend he thought I should meet.

And yes, I did tell John that this was a bad idea. I did say no to this fix-up plan. John did what many of my friends do. He simply ignored me and spoke with his friend who thought we would be more comfortable meeting at a party surrounded by other mutual friends.

I already didn’t like this “Mr. Plan a party around meeting me and all my glory” high maintenance man. He was already, in my opinion, trying to control me. But John was so keen for us to meet that he agreed to host the party and provide the food, which meant that I had to purchase the drinks, and the glasses to serve them in. Oh and invite my friends, a feat that makes D-Day seem like a walk in the park.

In the end, my mystery date stood me up at a party I didn’t want or need, his no-show witnessed by a room full of hungry friends. John decided it was time to prepare some food. In his small LES apartment he opened some durian, also known as “stinky fruit.”

I have nothing against stinky fruit. I know it’s revered in certain parts of the world. But I don’t like it. I’d never seen John eat or serve it previously and, needless to say, his choice of party food did not go over well in that cramped, steam-heated room. At that final straw, my audience bolted.

John and I are still good friends and I did appreciate his gesture of kindness. But even the best-laid plans should include a good caterer.

Some suggestions for dinnerware:  Broadway Panhandler, Sur La Table and Ikea. For food: Dean and Deluca (they ship!)