23 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do In
Store Dressing Rooms
Working in the high-end
fashion business can be fun. But it can also be quite a demanding job. Not only
do you have to show up each morning on time and look completely flawless and
fantastic, you also have to be nice to random people who may approach you. Being perpetually friendly would seem to make this job quite difficult in my opinion.
Another not so nice part of
this job is witnessing what occurs in the dressing rooms. As a service to this
industry, here are...
23 Things You Are Not Allowed To Do In
Store Dressing Rooms
Stealing merchandise,
switching price tags, and having sex are well-known dressing room no-nos. But
I’ve devised this list of amendments as a courtesy to help you remember what
else not to do:
1.
Do not pee on the floor.
2.
Do not eat a meal.
3.
Do not leave used or dirty tissues on the floor.
4.
Do not breast feed your…
A)
child
B)
or an adult
C)
or leave breast milk splattered on the furnishings.
5.
Do not talk loudly in any language for any duration of time on your cell phone.
6.
Do not open your medium-sized expensive briefcase filled with cocaine and do a
line.
7.
Do not insert or remove your vaginal expander (whether you are transitioning
genders or not).
8.
Do not have sex with the sales staff.
9.
Do not crack the mirror (it’s rumored to be bad luck, y’know!)
10.
Do not defecate and then smear it on the walls.
11. Do not count fake money given to you by a true or false sovereign from a real or imagined country with the intention of using it to pay for your desired merchandise.
12.
Do not vomit in the wastebasket.
13.
Do not permanently remove buttons, zippers, collars or epaulettes, even if you
think they are ugly.
14.
Do not mainline drugs.
15.
Do not take psychotropic medications, unless you are willing to share them with
the staff, including the door personnel.
16.
Do not knit, or crotchet, or tat (even if you know what the latter is).
17.
Do not come out of the dressing room nude, or wearing only sheer black fishnet
Gucci underwear (if you are male).
18.
Do not leave messages for cute sales staff on unpaid merchandise using
lipstick.
19.
Do not attempt to take clothing in the dressing room if you suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. The sales staff know that you not a size 2. Or 4. Or 6, or even a
size 8.
20.
Do not forget your weapon, leaving the sales staff to deal with its disposal.
21.
Do not forget to use body moisturizer before trying on clothing.
22.
Do not use the wrong kind of body moisturizer before trying on clothing.
23.
Do not offer the staff alcohol. They do not want alcohol (refer to #15).
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