Group Therapy

If you are an adult who chooses to live in NYC on purpose, you may find that you stumble on a rough patch (or 2 or 10). Some years ago, I decided that I wanted to outsource some of my angst, so I went for a therapy intake (I had also tried to go to therapy once before, but ended up dating the intake therapist for a few years. But that’s another story and unethical kettle of fish).

I wasn’t sure therapy would be for me, as I found it hard to complete one of the first tasks, which was to complete this sentence:

People who live in glass houses should…

I responded,

·      Make sure they have great home insurance policies?

·      Well, what type of glass house are we talking about? Do you mean a glass structure designed by Richard Meier or Santiago Calatrava?

I suppose my answers led Intake Therapist to place me in a high-functioning group therapy session. What does high-functioning mean? That we can speak at least 3 languages, do aerials and bake the perfect soufflé? I agreed to try one session, which included a garden variety of typical New Yorkers:

·      1 grossly overweight and overstressed male Wall Street trader

·      3 women who were battling anorexia and/or bulimia

·      1 male with social phobia (which is not the worse thing to be in NY)

·      1 fidgety fidgeter (too much caffeine?)

·      1 Very, Very, Very Angry Person (rage disorder)

Clearly I was in the wrong group. I should have been placed in a group of people who loved architecture, fashion and refused to answer stupid questions (is there a DSM 5 category for this?) Anyway, this is what I learned from the first session:

·      That 2 Tic Tacs can be considered a meal

·      That the world of a Wall Street trader is very stressful, yet the rewards can be great (and obviously full of calories)

·      When a very, very angry person bounces a chair forcefully off a wall, one should be very, very quiet.

Group Therapist managed to calm VVV Angry and urged us all to return for the next week’s session. Since most of us feared for our lives, returning seemed quite unlikely. Group Therapist assured us that the next week would be fun, as we would be doing a music exercise. I was curious as to what a therapeutic music exercise could possibly be, though I suspected it was some sort of ruse to get us all to show up again.

As it turned out, the exercise consisted of us all writing down our names on a piece of paper and placing them in a hat. We all drew names and we were to choice a song that reminded us of said name and person. I drew the name of one of the food+eating it challenged women. I chose a song I knew she would like (American Girl by Tom Petty), which she did.

When it came to be my turn, you can imagine my surprise when I read the lyrics that, in one girl’s mind, personified me:

Jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton

Jump down, turn around, pick a bale of hay

Was this some sort of joke, Miss Anorexia #3? Who was she telling to pick cotton? I could have been in a French class or at the gym but I found myself in a dreaded group therapy session being insulted by someone who based her entire existence on laxatives and a piece of candy.

That was the moment I ended group therapy. I did learn something about myself, though: I learned that other people’s glass houses are nothing close in idea to mine.

Fashion Haiku

Sometimes it is difficult is be concise. I decided to give myself some perimeters that will keep me tethered to keeping it brief. I’ve written some musings about fashion in the form of Japanese Haiku poems, which uses very few syllables within 3 lines. 

True Arbiter

There’s Suzy Menkes

 in the front row maintaining

her discerning eye.

Suzy Menkes via Showstudio.com

A Question

New York Times Fashion-

Any human not in blue jeans

is now an icon?

Progenitor

PUNK is at the Met

and so are some artworks by

M. Marcel Duchamp.

Swap

Lynn Yaeger, I will

trade you Mr. Dishy for

a closet viewing.

(What? She really likes one of my beaus.)

Lynn Yaeger via TheGorgeousDaily.com 

(Formerly Yves) Saint Laurent

Hedi Slimane sir,

your last collection was jank-

will sell like hotcakes.

Gender Neutral

Anna Wintour/Marc Jacobs

wearing the same Prada coat,

I rather like this.

Anna Wintour and Marc Jacobs via The Independent.co.uk

Void

Isabella Blow,

Anna Piaggi- both gone

the field lies barren.

Punk: (not much) Chaos, Some Couture

Not all and yet most

who went to the Met Ball served

High School prom theme looks.

Someone Read The Invite

In her black mesh dress

Miley Cyrus did me proud

I used mesh so much.

Miley Cyrus wearing mesh at the recent Met Gala.

Madonna and me in Holland in 1983 wearing clothing I designed for us. 

Inspiration

When there’s a stalemate

I watch Bowie videos

Healing style Rx.

My Perfect Moment with Grace Coddington

Thanks for asking me

about fabric in Paris-

glad I could answer. 

Never a Girlfriend

I was watching a television show about a couple’s comical travails. Things were going well between me and the TV show until the lead female character gets engaged. Then it is revealed that this character has been previously engaged five times! I hate her. I truly hate her, even if she is fictional.

I’ve never been married. I think the marriage boat has been set aflame and has permanent sailed away from me. I’m probably being punished by the marriage Gods for using ‘boat’ as a wedding metaphor. I resent not getting married. I should be on my second or third divorce by now. I hate being called a “girlfriend”. At my age, one doesn’t call a woman a ‘girl’. It is insulting. A girl does not have the life experience I have. A girl does not have the arsenal of skin care products that I have. A girl does not let herself only be photographed upside down because it is her better side. And does the ‘friend’ part of the word mean I’m supposed to be friendly? These days, chance would be a fine thing.

There needs to be a word for an attractive older woman who has relatively kept her figure and has perhaps a slice of her former charming personality left that she lets out for a viewing on alternate Tuesdays so she may have the chance to meet a nice middle aged man who will of course come with his baggage checked in at my emotional front desk and that will mean in his case at least one ex-wife and one or more children that I will have to love as he does unconditionally even when they introduce me as Dad’s girlfriend.

I’ve tried using the word paramour. I like the word paramour (as a word), but it is so Elizabethan. Actually, it is so Middle English (or Old French). And it doesn’t really work. It denotes an illicit type of relationship as well as a being a word used for lover (and lover is just not a good enough job description). I’m just not up to doing anything illicit these days. With age comes the ability to not run very fast. And I don’t wear the type of shoes that one can run in.

I could be called a courtesan. If I time traveled and lived in the noble court of King Charles II. I don’t know how those gals did it, those courtesan women. Not only did they have to have sex, they had to be attractive and well dressed. They also had to be ready at a moment’s notice to engage in witty conversation about music, art and be abreast of the latest political news. I can handle the well- dressed part. For everything else, I would have to hand him a newspaper. And hopefully there are some escort services listed in the back.

Concubine is not a good word either. It feels very harem making. I also don’t like the word mistress. Or whore, slut, hussy, lady of the evening, tramp, trollop, vamp, temptress or floozy, except for comedy reasons. But I do like enchantress. Enchantress sounds so magical. I would love it if a man would introduce me as his enchantress. It sounds so seductive. Like I could hold an audience in sway, while he pulls rabbits out of a hat. 

I’m supposed to be married, or widowed or something other than a girlfriend by now. I guess I could be called a female companion (no, this sounds like an archaic product, like a plastic rain scarf). I could be called a female associate that I spend some time with type of chum. A woman person amongst the things in the world enchantress consort. I think I’ve just solved my title problem. I hope this term catches on. If you ever need to greet me, see that you use it.

Me in a Yohji Yamamoto skirt, a skirt so big that it barely fits in a car. And I can't run in these McQueen heels. 

The Flavor Revolution of ‘Anarchy in a Jar’

My passion for Anarchy in a Jar started innocently, with a small jar of blueberry jam that was given as a gift. While I love blueberries, I am not usually a fan of blueberry things. Now though, I can happily admit that Anarchy in a Jar has altered my view. The jam was a perfect combination of berries spiced with anise seed and juniper, but there was also a surprising addition of rum. This jam found its way on top of something every day until it was gone. It was so delicious that I wanted to try all that Anarchy in a Jar had to offer (I’ve tried many and they all were equally distinctive and ambrosial).

The utterly scrumptious 3's Company Triple Berry Jam.

Anarchy in a Jar was created by Laena McCarthy a few years ago. She started with a small production of jams, marmalades and chutneys, but the demand for Anarchy in a Jar grew rapidly and has expanded beyond the borders of Laena’s Brooklyn environ. I sat down with Laena at Smorgasburg to find out more about the genesis of her delectable concoctions and what new and imaginative flavors she’s been cooking up:

The savor master Laena McCarthy of Anarchy in a Jar.  

When did you start your company?

I started Anarchy in a Jar in 2009.

Did your formation of Anarchy in a Jar happen at the same time that your beau, Ben Flanner, was starting the urban rooftop organic garden The Brooklyn Grange?

Ben and his former partner had created the Eagle Street Rooftop Farm. Ben was creating and building The Brooklyn Grange when we met.

How do you source your ingredients?

I source my ingredients wherever I can find good, delicious elements. I use responsible farms. I’m inspired by talking to people. I usually start with a seasonal fruit, like 600 pounds of organic blueberries. I found the most delicious berries grown by a handsome farmer from Maine (it didn’t hurt that he was handsome). Sometimes GrowNYC is a great source of ingredients. I can suggest it and they can find it. They are a wonderful resource.

A Lime and Pandan Marmalade & the spicy Hot Fireman's Pear Jam w/Chipolte & Cinnamon.

I adore your logo design and jar! Who came up with the design?

I did. I just played around with types of fonts, shapes etc. I knew the type of jar and label I wanted, so I created it.

Are there canners in your family?

I first learned canning from my Mother. I used to help her can and prepare preserves when I was young. It’s been fun helping her as an adult too.

I find your flavor combinations absolutely dreamy. Do you find yourself dreaming about jam and chutney recipes?

Oh yes!

This disappears all too rapidly at my place: Grapefruit and Smoked Salt Marmalade.

A mutual friend gave me a jar of your spinach pesto. It was the best pesto I’ve ever had, and I make a very good pesto. Would you mind telling me the secret of your pesto?

It had very little spinach in it. It was a ramp pesto. I first had ramps in Italy. I’ve always loved the flavor of ramps so I thought I’d create my own pesto using them.

Your jam and jelly flavors are so inventive. How have you been inspired by your travels?

I have done a lot of traveling and I’ve lived in various parts of the world. I lived for a year in Antarctica. I do love meeting people and cooking with them. A great way to get to know a place is to experience the food. I also have friends who are bartenders and they are very helpful with flavor ideas. One of my favorites is the Clover Club Bar in Carroll Gardens.

I’m such a savory girl, but I’m so in love with your jellies and jams. I have a feeling you are a savory girl too. What attracted you to produce such sweet delicious things?

I eat more savories, but I do love both sweet and savory. I think I eat more savory things. I love the perfect combination of sweet, salty and savory.

I can't wait to cook w/this one: Sugar Plum Fairy Jam with Shiso and Ice Wine.

You can find stockists, workshop info and Laena McCarthy’s book aptly titled Jam On: The Craft of Canning Fruit on the ever evolving Anarchy in a Jar website.